‘Ilang taon ka na?’, ang tanong sa akin. Napatigil ako
saglit. Naisip ko, taon-taon na lang ‘pag malapit na ko mag-birthday, mabenta ang tanong na
‘to. ‘Uhm, twenty-ish. Lol.’, isip ko. Huling birthday year ko na palang pwedeng sumagot ng , ‘ah, eh late-twenties’.
Late twenties. Late
twenties. Parang gusto kong mag-flashback ang memories.
First decade: Aral-laro.
Masyadong hyper. Masyadong
masaya. Buhay bata. Walang problema.
Second decade: May konting pressure. Kailangan ng konting decision-making sa ilang
mga bagay. Educ. Love. Heartbreak. Pressure. Kala mo pasan mo na ang mundo when
in fact hindi naman talaga. Ang panuntunan mo sa mga aspeto ng buhay, unti-unti
nang nahuhulma.
Third decade: Work. Life. Balance.
Hinahanap mo ang center of existence. Minsan gusto mong i-justify ang
lahat sa pagla-label na nasa Quarter Life Crisis ka lang. Ano ba talaga ang mahalaga? Priority. Career.
Time management. Simpleng buhay
na masaya. Work-life balance. Sana.
Ang oras daw ay isang continuum. Isang linya na nag-uugnay ng past, present at
future. Lines are made up of points or periods, turo sa Math. Kaya ang buhay ay puro periods. Birth,
Childhood, Puberty, Adolescence, Old Age, tapos Death. Circle of Life. Paulit-ulit. Cycle. Hindi madali dahil kailangan ng todo
effort to put everything in order (see 2nd Law of Thermodynamics).
Siyet. Magbi-birthday na ‘ko. At sa totoo lang, ang feeling ay bittersweet.
Sweet dahil plus one good year of learning ang nadagdag. At fear dahil may fear of the unknown. Minsan sabi ng boss ko, ‘…matatakutin ka pala’.
Gusto kong sumagot ng, ‘May mali ba? Fear is an emotion at lahat ng emotions,
valid. Hindi ka pwedeng makipag-debate sa emosyon.’ Hindi ko siya sinagot.
Fear. Justified.
Just sharing thoughts in my head. Sa almost (read: almost, haha) thirty years
of existence, Im happy with a number of constants. Family. We argue, a lot, yes. Pero, they remain to be my foundation. At dito ko unang na-define what love is. Yung unconditional. Friends.
You make me happy. You make my
sanity intact. I miss you a lot: garage
sales, malling, food trip. Medyo may
constraints lang sa time lately pero I will make it up to you. My God. You never fail to comfort me. I feel the warmth of Your embracing arms.
People, I love you. You are a fragment of who I am today. Thank you for
choosing to be part of my life. You are life's true gifts.
Magbi-birthday na nga ako. Sumesenti din pag may time. Regalo ko ah.
:-)